Money Money Money

Well, before the wedding, I was a working maniac, picking up double shifts, graveyard shifts and just working to pay for the wedding. Then I got pg, and of course thats gonna cost a lot more money than a wedding, but I simply could not bring myself to pick up extra shifts cause I was so exhausted. Now at 21 weeks I have some energy back, and that double night shift opportunity called to me, in the form of a baby "mommy mommy work extra so you can buy me a car seat." So of course how can you resist that, so I worked my first double shift, and graveyard shift since being pg. I actually did just fine. I didnt feel sick or too tired. But of course now, at 3:30 in the afternoon the next day, I cant get out of bed, and cant stop eating. That is what staying up all night will do to you. I am grateful to have the energy back to work some extra shifts since the thought of money and how expensive baby is gonna be plagues me everyday. So, in conclusion, I hate doubles, but I will do them for Baby Ruch. Bring it on double graveyard shifts. Thank goodness I have two cute doggies to lay in bed with me all day and keep me company while hubby is at work.

Baby Ruch has a peter.

Well this morning was the ultrasound. Jon and I hardly slept last night from all the anticipation. As soon as the tech moved the little wand over to his legs I saw his little peter and called out..."boy." His little peter was very evident. :) haha.

So its been a little bit emotional this morning. Some family, and Jon had made comments to me early on that they were hoping for a girl. So of course, my pg sensitivity got me crying a bit cause I thought everyone was disappointed that we were having a boy. I sort of knew this would happen. Which is why I never predicted or wanted to say what I wanted to have, cause I didnt want anyone, least of all Jon and I to feel disappointed. And dont get me wrong we are absolutely not disappointed but I think i just got a little senstive, as I always do. Jon admitted to being scared. He said he was afraid to raise a man. Of course I know how wonderful he is and that he will be just fine, but I understand the fear because I have it too.

This whole process is very scary. Its like once you get through one fear, then comes a different one. Its quite a roller coaster.

My mom wants to immediately go shopping this morning, so after I nap away all my emotions, we will go buy baby Ruch something. :) We had a girl name picked out, (which i still hope we can use one day), but only some boy name ideas, so we will start working on giving him a name, other than baby ruch.

20 weeks

20 weeks

19 weeks

this pic was at 16 weeks I think

Well we had two milestones this week. On friday we hit the 20 week mark. Some say thats the halfway point. Also literally the day before the 20 week mark, on that thursday, I felt baby Ruch move for the first time. So many people thought it was wierd that I hadnt felt it yet. They were asking me at like week 16 if I had felt it. But when I felt it at first, I wasnt sure what it was. Then I asked my mom, and the feeling kept persisting, and I knew it was baby Ruch. My friend Melissa asked me if it felt like popcorn. That was the best description, cause that is exactly what it felt like. Welp, ever since that first day, now I feel baby Ruch everyday. It hasnt stopped moving. To the point where it can be uncomfortable sometimes. It feels like its doing somersaults in there over and over. I dont think its moving enough yet for Jon to feel it. So far its just me that notices it inside. We find out the sex on thursday - 4 more days. I continue to feel better I think, but Im still having a lot of leg pain, and migraines. But I dont know if that is baby, or accident effects. Its hard for me to differentiate what it being caused from. But the migraines are killer. And I guess its true that I never did have migraines until before the accident, and I did have them before baby, so Im sure its probably that, and not baby. oy yoy yoy.

Ok love you all.

Baby J.J and Libby helped me feel better about motherhood.

Well I just got back from San Diego. Jon and I specifically went because he was in a friends wedding down there but the wedding he was in just happened to be right near where my bro lives so it was a good opportunity to see my sis in law and JJ. Brian was actually out on sea duty so I wasnt even able to see him, except for 5 min before I left SD.

JJ has gotten so big. He is 9 mos old now, but looks like a little toddler. He is crawling up a storm and climbing on things. His legs are so strong I think he'll be walking in no time. It was good practice for Jon and I to be with JJ just helping feed him and change diapers. I have not spent much time at all around babies, which is part of the reason I have so much anxiety about being a mother. I know nothing. But the times that I get to see JJ puts me at ease a little bit, because he is just so loving and cute. And my sis in law Libby, was good at giving me advice on things I need, and things that are just a waste of money. Jon is soooo good with JJ. He is going to be such an amazing dad he doesnt even know it. He is a natural with babies. He will be teaching me how to be I know it.

My pg tears have slowed down some. I am not as tearful as I was. I am however, having a lot of leg and back pain. Its hard to know, if it is all due to pg, or if it is a combination of pg and accident related pain. But I am very uncomfortable, and I am only 19 weeks, so I know it can only get worse. Scary.

We find out the sex of baby Ruch next thursday, the 27th. I am anxious and excited for that.

Week 19

Baby Ruch is now the size of a tomato. Which is funny considering I have been craving vegetables so bad. I just want huge salads all the time. Which yes I know sounds healthy, but I mean I want salads with everything, including bacon bits, ranch, lots of cheese, and avocados. MMMMM. My mouth is watering now.

We have started to move around some furniture to make space for baby in the spare room. Its going to be a bit cramped in here, but we will manage until its time for us to move. Dogs are becoming aware that something is going on. We keep talking to them about Baby Ruch and we really are trying to do some training with them so they dont feel so left out. They are used to sleeping on the bed with us, which is gonna have to be changed. Lots of work to do to prepare for this little one.

I am starting to feel a bit better. Most of you know that this pregnancy hasnt been easy on me. I think with the combination of it not being planned, and Jon and I happening so fast, along with the pain I have been experiencing due to residual effects from the accident, it has just been a hard road. Dr had suggested I go on some antidepressants but I really didnt want to, so I fought it as best I could, and now I am crying less, and beginning to get more used to all this. I have been really scared, but I am so lucky and so blessed to have Jon, and to be married, and have a house etc etc. Im working on just chilling out and not sweating it all. And God is working on me everyday to get through this next 5 months.

We find out the sex of baby Ruch in 2 weeks. We technically could find out next week but Jon has to go out of town for work and of course I dont want to find out without him there, so we just pushed the ultrasound appt back a week. So I have to wait another week to find out. I cant wait. Once we find out we will start painting, and buying more stuff. So far we really havnt bought anything.

But soon.

Love you all